and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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