I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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