i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
