you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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