Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
