Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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