The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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