the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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