I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
