you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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