so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had sex on a roof
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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