physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
two words...techno handjob
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
