So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
