My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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