are you still at the devil's house?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
