ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
