I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think my moral compass just broke
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
