he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
