Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
