Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Randomize
