I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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