if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
