We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
