ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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