why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
