Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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