So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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