YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
