Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this is an emotional support booty call
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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