i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
