I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
