I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
