nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize