Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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