I am puke
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Couch. On fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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