so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize