why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
