i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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