so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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