i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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