It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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