Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
