WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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