The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
