kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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