Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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