I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
