____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
even my farts smell like vagina
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
