mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
