You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found the puke drawer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
