The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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