Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
