HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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