Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
