just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
