He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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