Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
