She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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