Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
