No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
