And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
