you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
