so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
