Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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