God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize