i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
