i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
