Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
