Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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