Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
