you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
