9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
