watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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