Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize