babies were throwing up all over the place
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
