Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize